My brain says no but my pants say off.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
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