While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Randomize
