he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
im holly from the hills drunk
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Randomize
