everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
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