It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Randomize
