normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
why is half of my head shaved?
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
