so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
My dad is sitting where you rode me
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
