Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Randomize