Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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