So drunk its hurt
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize