My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
