Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
We had sex on a dog bed..
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
