puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Randomize
