She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Randomize
