Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I just forgot I was standing up.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
