Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
This is classic penis vs brain.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
