ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Randomize
