have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
worst night to have a conscience
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Randomize
