Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
