So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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