I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
