Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
