After last night, I could never be a politician.
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
