walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
try to milk me bitch
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