I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Randomize
