I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
this is an emotional support booty call
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Randomize
