Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
