if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Randomize
