someone owes me an orgasm
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
Randomize
