I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Randomize
