Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
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