Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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