This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
