If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Randomize
