hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
