She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Randomize
