So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize