If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
It was confusing and full of hummus
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
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