in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
