would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
