like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
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