just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Randomize
