I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
My pussy is not your playground.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
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