Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
