You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
