Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
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