I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
