Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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