maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
