Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
