What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Randomize
