This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
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