he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
