one word: firstdatebathroomanal
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
