who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
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