Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
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