ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
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