Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
im about as happy as oj after his trial
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
