Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Randomize
