I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Randomize
