dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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