Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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