Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
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