i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
