My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Randomize
