Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Randomize
