i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Randomize
