shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
Randomize
