I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
