Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
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