i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
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