like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Randomize
